That's my response every time someone asks how my mom is doing. "Physically she' doing okay, but mentally she's pretty much vacant." That's my most recent go-to reply. There's not much else to say. It's weird to think about how, when I started this blog 5 years ago, I was pretty certain we had maybe a year or two left with her. She was declining so quickly, it just didn't seem feasible that she would still be "hanging in there" 5 years later. We always knew she was a tough cookie, always scheming and finding a way to get what she wanted, so we shouldn't be surprised, ha! I'm still mourning her. I still, with guilt in my heart, long for the day we can say our official good-byes. I don't think Daddy is ready yet, though, so I will wait and grieve and miss her until God decides the time is right. This Christmas was hard. It was my first one coming home in the last 3 years. It was sad and I just wanted it to be over. I tried not to seem sad in front of Daddy because I know he feels lost without her during these times. He apologized for not putting up a tree. I'm glad I was here. I've been here since September, waiting for a job in Philly to come to fruition so I can move there. I need to be here. For me. For Dad. And maybe for Mom, somehow. We're all hanging in there.
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